


Wishverse 02: Day One? -  No, Day Zero!

by Soledad



Series: If Wishes Were Horses (Wishverse) [2]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Actions Have Consequences (at least here), Canon-Typical Violence, Episode Rewrite: s1.02 - Day One, F/M, Heavy-Duty Gwen Bashing, Original Dialogue In Different Context, So very AU, The Many Departures of Gwen Cooper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 18:50:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7695445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soledad/pseuds/Soledad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Many different ways to get rid of Gwen Cooper, while keeping the episodes as canonical as possible, including a great deal of original dialogue. A writing experiment. Not for Gwen-fans, obviously. This time: "Day One".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
 **EPISODE 02 – DAY ONE? NO, DAY ZERO! - Part 1**

Toshiko Sato had been one unhappy woman since the day Gwen Cooper had joined Torchwood Three. And it wasn’t simply because she missed Suzie – although she did. When she’d come to Torchwood, Suzie had been a funny, brilliant, sharp-witted woman with whom to work had been a delight a well as a great adventure.

And it hadn’t been all work and no fun, either. Often, the two of them had gone out together, late after work, and even though it had _always_ been Suzie who got picked up in pubs or bars or discos, Toshiko had enjoyed very much that there was something else than Torchwood and its often terrifying secrets nonetheless.

Until the job had finally broken Suzie. Until she’d developed an obsession for “getting inside” the alien tech, as she’d called it, shortly before taking her own life. Until she’d surrendered to it completely, became part of it, so much that not even the perception filter would work on her.

Until she’d started murdering people, just so that she could test the resurrection glove, trying to extend the limits of its working. Until she’d become completely mad. Broken by Torchwood, for good.

Yet Toshiko still missed her. And having Gwen-bloody-Cooper in her stead was bordering on insult. No-one could understand why Jack would hire her in the first place, unless he’d gone completely hormonal. For some unfathomable reason, even reasonably intelligent men seemed to fall for bulging cow-eyes.

“It’s purely atavistic,” Ianto had commented dryly on one afternoon when they’d been left alone in the Hub. “The last remnants of ancient fertility cults in our subconscious. Most of the Earth Mother-type goddesses were displayed as cow, you know. Or as naked women with a cow’s head, like Hathor in Egypt. Although Hathor, of course, was at least a _beautiful_ cow.”

It was comforting that Ianto, at least, appeared to be immune against the cow effect. And he seemed to despise Gwen at least as much as Toshiko did. Perhaps there was some similar motivation: jealousy. Toshiko was having the sinking feeling that sooner or later, Owen might fall victim of the cow effect; and Ianto always stiffened unconsciously when Gwen blundered into the Hub and grabbed Jack to have some deep, meaningful conversation with him. She seemed to suffer from the delusion that by filling the vacancy, she’d automatically inherited Suzie’s position as second in command, and for some reason Jack hadn’t forced her to make a reality check yet.

Besides, Ianto absolutely _hated_ if someone called him “sweetheart” or “love”, and Gwen was calling him both, on a hourly basis. At such times, Ianto would go all quiet and stiff, his lips pressing together into a thin, bloodless line, and his hands would tremble; barely visibly, but they would. Toshiko could never understand why, but she wished Gwen would pull her head out of her arse and see, just once, the effect her words had on other people.

Tonight, however, Jack had given her the day off, telling her to have a life, so they all could stop babysitting her, which was a relief. She tended to poke the wrong things and had gotten hurt twice already. With her out of their hair, they could perhaps do some useful work for a change.

“Do tell me, Jack, why the fuck did you hire her in the first place?” Owen growled, trying to get his alien medical database - which completely fritzed out after Gwen had _studied_ alien species on his computer - back into some semblance of working order.

Jack, accepting a steaming cup of coffee from Ianto, shrugged nonchalantly. “Unexpected attack of nostalgia, I guess,” he replied with one of his trademark lewd grins. “Used to know an alien with eyes like hers once. A _tentacled_ alien, with highly… exciting suction cups along its tentacles - all eight of them.”

Owen made a face as if he’d get sick in any moment, which was no small feat, as very few things could actually gross him out, at least when it came to sexual practices. “You’re a sick man, Harkness,” he declared. “I mean, ewww… not even I would…”

“Not even if it were a female of the species?” Jack inquired with a raised eyebrow.

Toshiko could see Ianto’s shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter, and she had a hard time to pretend innocence, herself. For all his dirty mouth, Owen was surprisingly narrow-minded when picking his numerous bed mates.

“Ewww!” he exclaimed again, turned off by the mere idea of having sex with a bug-eyed octopus, female or otherwise.

Jack grinned at him unrepentantly. “Hey, don’t toss it until you’ve tried it!” he said.

Ianto, who’d turned to one of the surveillance monitors to regain his unflappable composure, cleared his throat twice before he could speak without giggling.

“Sir, I think you should take a look at _this_ ,” he said, gesturing at the monitor. It showed a large ball of fire zooming across the night sky very quickly. It seemed to be crashing somewhere.

Jack became deadly serious at once. He could switch in and out his easy-going lecherous persona at will, which was a very useful thing at their kind of work.

“Prepare the SUV,” he ordered. “Take the standard kit. This will be a simple locating and clean-up operation. We need to find that meteorite before anyone else gets their hands on it. Ianto, you’ll monitor our progress from here and stand by; just in case we needed help. I’ll call Gwen.”

“Do you have to?” Owen asked sourly.

Jack shot him a sharp look. “Yes, I do,” he replied. “Trained policewoman or not, she needs to learn how we deal with things.”

“It’s her so-called training that makes me worry,” Owen returned. “Even Teaboy here is better qualified for field work. At least _he_ knows how to use a gun!”

Ianto pulled a face at the backhanded compliment but didn’t rise to the bait. He had a SUV to prepare; and besides, nothing could annoy Owen more than when he was getting ignored. Toshiko went with him to check on the mobile workstation. Not that Ianto couldn’t do it – although he was more than capable to deal with any computer-related system – but she needed to get away from Owen and his foul mood, at least for a few minutes.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
When Gwen finally arrived – at least half an hour later than she should have – Owen’s mood had become downright unbearable, drumming with his fingers on the steering wheel and mumbling obscenities under his breath. Jack, sitting on the passenger’s seat, flashed a wide, false smile at Gwen.

“Good to see you,” he said. The unspoken addition _finally_ hung between them in the air, but Gwen obviously failed to recognize it. She was too thrilled to go with them on her first field mission.

She climbed to Toshiko on the back seat, her eyes widening to almost disturbing size when she saw the workstation in readiness. A red dot started to blink on the virtual map shown on the monitor.

“Oooh, cool, what _is_ this?” Gwen asked in excitement.

“Basic tracking and surveillance,” Toshiko replied curtly. That earned her one of those dumb looks, and she sighed impatiently. “For the crash side,” she explained, extremely irritated that she had to waste time with such baby stuff. “With this we can tap into CCTV networks, national databases… whatever we need.”

“B-but this… this CRIMINT!” Gwen stuttered. “This is the police computer system. You shouldn't have this!”

Toshiko gave her an icy look. “You think so?”

Jack looked back at Gwen, his smile fading to mild annoyance. “You might want to stop saying _you_ and start saying _we_ ,” he suggested.

The silence in which they continued to head towards the crash site was everything but pleasant.

“Crash site is one hundred meters ahead,” Toshiko finally reported.

“Shit,” Owen swore and stopped the car. “The amateurs got here first. Thanks for being late,” he added, glaring to Gwen, who didn’t even get the connection.

“What do you mean with _amateurs_?” she asked.

Nobody answered here – it wasn’t necessary, really. The truckload of soldiers exiting their vehicle, right before their noses, could have been registered by a blind man. The police had already blocked the road and was gathering just outside the barrier.

Jack opened the car door and stood up to see what was happening. ”All right, everyone, get your gear together and get out of the car,” he said. “Usual formation.”

Toshiko grabbed her kit and followed Jack. Gwen rushed forward, without bothering to get hers first.

“What's the usual formation?” she asked.

Owen glanced at her with disgust. “Varies,” he said, joining the others without any further word. Gwen stared after him with a complete lack of understanding.

“How can a usual formation vary?” she asked, nobody in particular. The others ignored her; the police opened the barrier for them, and they went through. _That_ finally reminded her that she didn’t have her kit and turned back to the SUV.

In the meantime the others reached the crash site, taking hold on the lead rope and heading down into the crater, in the centre of which a large, rock-like pod sat. Lights had been placed around it for better view.

“So let's see what we came for,” Jack said; then he looked around with a frown. “Where the hell is Gwen?”

“Not here yet,” Owen replied sourly. “Seems to be a tendency with her.”

Jack’s frown deepened. “Start here without us,” he said. “I’ll go get her.”

Toshiko and Owen exchanged a look and shrugged. It was fine with them to do their jobs without Gwen’s constant interference. Owen opened his kit and sorted a few tools he would need to examine the pod, while Toshiko adjusted her palmtop to access the mobile workstation in the car and transfer sensor data to it.

A few moments later Jack came back, Gwen jogging behind him like a badly groomed – and even more badly trained – poodle.

“What do we know?” he asked.

“Bog standard space debris,” Owen replied distractedly; then, with a look at Gwen’s blank face, he added. “ _That_ 's a technical term.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Gwen pouted like a four-year old. Jack rolled his eyes.

“So take all the readings and let's get out of here,” he said to Owen, who nodded.

They all opened their kits – well, all but Gwen who was just leaning on the side, watching them – and began to work, tossing tools to each other and catching them, without even looking. They were a well-oiled team, after all. Or had been, at least, with Suzie still there to fill the now gaping breach in the teamwork, each one knowing his or her special task and doing it without much discussion. 

Owen took samples from the outer pod shell, then used a stethoscope to listen to possible lifesigns from within. Jack took readings of the air and Toshiko analysed the background radiation, checking with the database of the mobile workstation.

After a few moments of intense work, Owen glared up at their newbie who was still standing around uselessly, watching everyone else work, and very obviously not having a clue what they were doing.

“Make yourself useful, sweetheart!” he scowled. “Pass us the big chisel from the toolbox, would you?”

Gwen put on that pout again; the one that made her look like a fish… and not a particularly intelligent one. “Not sweetheart – Gwen,” she corrected with what she probably thought was a superior air while it only sounded whiny. “One syllable, sure you can manage it.”

“The same way you can manage _Ianto_ ’s name?” Toshiko asked with false sweetness. “I’m sure _he_ enjoys being called sweetheart by _you_ , too.”

She could see Jack’s suddenly stiffening back and suppressed a grin. Everyone at Torchwood knew that Jack was, well, _interested_ in their teaboy, as Owen called him (and yes, for the record, Ianto hated _that_ nickname, too, every bit as much as Gwen’s mindless endearments), and that Ianto politely kept him at arm’s length, while never flat-out rejecting his advances. Their witty flirting was a hundred times more interesting than daytime television – not that any of them would have time to actually _watch_ the telly, of course.

“Well, sweetcheeks, you should give up on Teaboy already,” Owen continued, enjoying Gwen’s discomfort profoundly. “His heart is well and truly given to the coffee machine in the Hub. You’ll never be half as shiny – or as polished, for that matter – as the bloody thing. Now, do I get that big chisel any time soon?”

Gwen became beet read with anger. “It's a shame your tool's not big enough for the job, darlin',” she snapped, and grabbing fort he chisel, she threw it at Owen. “Catch!”

“Don’t!” Owen shouted, but it was already too late. The chisel, thrown in too high an arc for him to catch, punctured a hole in the pod. Some kind of purple gas escaped out of the pod through the large hole. “Shit!” Owen cursed, shooting Gwen a baleful look.

Jack was the first and quickest to react. He reached into the open kit at his feet and picked up a gas mask. “Owen, catch!” He tossed it to Owen, another one to Toshiko and put one on Gwen’s stunned face while covering his own, too. “Put this on!”

They all obeyed, watching in silence as a large pinkish-purple cloud of living gas rose out of the pod. It spread out and moved around, pulsating for a moment in a vaguely obscene manner, then zoomed up into the night sky. Jack lowered his mask and gave Gwen a seriously displeased look. Gwen huffed, turned and looked at Owen accusingly.

Owen glared back at her. “Congratulations,” he said.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Ianto had got the disaster alarm from Toshiko via text message: MFMLC – _Mission Failed, Make Lots of Coffee_ – so he was not particularly surprised when the team returned to the Hub, wrapped in thunderclouds. With the exception of Gwen, of course, who kept running after Jack like a lovesick poodle, whimpering her endless apologies.

“I'm so sorry,” she repeated again and again, her voice achieving that whiny quality which would make even a Weevil cringle.

Still, Jack tried to be civil with her. “Seriously, stop saying that.”

But Gwen was not so easily stopped. She followed him up the steps to the office area.

“But I am!” she insisted. “I mean, really, I mean really, really sorry. God, I can't believe it.”

Owen, on his way to his workstation, glared at her in annoyance. “Didn't they teach you Health and Safety in the police? I thought you were a _trained_ policewoman.”

Gwen got all teary-eyed in a second. “You two chucked tools at each other, so I...” she defended herself.

Owen’s glare dropped the temperature in the Hub at least five degrees. “We didn't _miss_ ,” he said dryly.

“I'll sort it,” Gwen insisted. “Whatever's happened, I'll deal with it.” 

“I’d just _love_ to see how she’s planning to do that,” Toshiko muttered, in a voice too low for anyone but Ianto (who was standing right next to her) to pick it up. Ianto gave him a restrained little smile that was, nonetheless, positively evil.

They walked past Gwen to put their equipment down in Cold Storage 1-6, under Ianto’s watchful eye. Sometimes his neat freak nature was a little tiresome, but they all admitted that the Hub would have drowned in chaos without him, so they indulged him… most of the time.

Gwen, in the meantime, was still worrying on her mistake, like a dog on a rubber bone.

“What d'you think has happened?” she whined. “I mean, it was just gas, wasn't it? That can't be too bad, can it?”

Owen gave her an exasperated look. He might not be very choosy when it came to potentially shaggable women, but this level of stupidity seriously pissed him off. “Right, because gas never did anyone any harm,” he replied sharply, and had the satisfaction to see Jack nod in agreement. 

“On the plus side, we've got good evidence, relatively undamaged,” Jack said, to smooth the waves over. He opened the box with a sample of the rock and gave it a curious look.

“On the downside, there's an alien on the loose, we don't know where it is, why it's here or what it's going to do,” Owen shot back. Toshiko had a really hard time to hide her grin. Owen on the warpath was a truly endearing sight. Especially when his anger was aimed at the woman he’d been doing the mating dance around for days.

“Give her a break,” she said with false sympathy. Gwen, of course, thought that her support was being genuine… and it inspired her to another bout of useless self-flagellation.

“God, this has been the worst first day ever,” she moaned. At that point, Jack had apparently had enough of her histrionics.

“We all make mistakes,” he said curtly. “Get over it. Now we find and recover whatever came out of there.”

Ianto cleared his throat. Everyone looked at him. He was standing at the top of the steps with a clipboard. How and when he had gotten up again, nobody could tell, but they’d stopped guessing a long time ago. Ianto had his ways, and they _worked_. That was enough for everyone.

“This might help,” he said, extending the clipboard to Jack. “Nightclub death been phoned in to 999. Circumstances sound... a little unusual.

Gwen hurried up the steps to snatch the clipboard report from his hands. Tolerantly, Ianto let her have it.

“Might be connected,” he commented simply.

Jack glanced at it over Gwen’s shoulder and nodded. “Let’s go!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
It was early morning when they reached the night club Ianto had mentioned. Toshiko was exhausted beyond belief, and not just physically. The continued exposure to so much Gwen-ness was more than any sane person could take after a sleepless night. She was relieved when the SUV pulled up opposite the club and she could finally get away from her.

A seriously cute police constable – tall, blond, with curly hair, hazel eyes and a smile that could have cured a rainy day – came out of the building at the same moment the Torchwood team hurried across the street. He stopped at the top of the steps next to his partner and frowned at Jack who tried to hurry into the club past him.

“Excuse me, sir, but this is a crime scene,” he said. He had a really pleasant voice; deep, but not overly so. It did funny things to Toshiko’s stomach. Funny, fluttery things.

“Torchwood,” Jack snapped at him, but the young constable no longer listened to him. He was staring at _Gwen_ , of all people, his mouth slightly agape.

“Gwen?“ he finally said, still in a disbelieving manner.

Gwen gave him one of those silly little waves used mostly by pre-school kids. “Hi Andy!”

The cute young policeman, whose name was apparently Andy, shook his head. “Bloody hell!” he said. “Look at you, all posh. Special Ops! We were wondering what happened to you.”

That comment finally made _click_. Toshiko remembered Gwen mentioning earlier that her partner’s name was Andy. She’d never bothered to mention the man’s surname, though. And, it seemed, she’d never bothered to say her goodbyes to her former colleagues properly, either. _Speak about teamwork quality_ , Toshiko thought sarcastically.

“I meant to call,” Gwen apologized a little lamely. “It's been a bit of a whirlwind.”

Toshiko rolled her eyes – it wasn’t as if Gwen would have done _anything_ worth mentioning since joining Torchwood. All that “whirlwind” had been she, causing all sorts of incidents within the Hub as a result of not leaving things she knew nothing about bloody alone and the others having to clean up her mess at least twice a day.

PC Andy must have known the feeling, because those lovely eyes of his were twinkling at Toshiko in tolerant amusement. “Go on, then, tell us all,” he encouraged Gwen, while winking at Toshiko over her head. He was tall enough to do that without Gwen realizing it.

Gwen might have launched into some lengthy story on the spot, had Jack not reappeared in the doorway just in the same moment.

“Coming?” he asked impatiently. He might be a terrible flirt – well, truth be told, he _was_ – but he never mixed work with his flirting.

Gwen seemed to realize what was expected from her, for a change. “Yeah, sorry,” she said sheepishly. Then she turned to Andy and added in a superior manner. “You can get away now. No point you freezing your arse off out here.”

There was definite annoyance in those pretty eyes of the young constable now – a feeling Toshiko could relate to.

“Boss of me now, are you?” he asked, but Gwen no longer listened to him. She turned and heads into the club. In the last moment, however, she stopped and turned around again. “Uh, say hi to everyone for me.”

Andy nodded unenthusiastically. “I’m sure everyone will be so excited,” he commented, voice dripping with sarcasm. No longer listening to him – again – Gwen headed inside.

Toshiko smiled at Andy in apology. “I’m sorry,” she said. “She’s new… she still needs to learn proper protocol.” And wasn’t _that_ a good feeling, being able to say so?

Andy shook his head. “Don’t bother,” he replied. “She won’t. I served with her over two years; I should know.”

“If that was supposed to cheer me up, it failed,” Toshiko told him. Andy laughed.

“No,” he said. “That was an attempt to make conversation. I just couldn’t find another shared topic off the top of my head.”

“Well, that’s nice, but I’m afraid I just don’t have the time right now,” Toshiko said, a little regretfully. He was such a nice young man, and it had been forever since anyone tried to flirt with her the last time. “Not in the middle of this.”

“Another time perhaps?” Andy offered. “With our line of work, we might run into each other again. At least I hope so.”

“Perhaps,” Toshiko replied. “This could be a small town sometimes.” And with that, she hurried after the others.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
After having examined the pile of dirt on the floor of the ladies bathroom – the one that had supposed to be a horny young man a couple of hours earlier – the team watched the security vid of the young man bursting into gold dust and getting partially sucked into his sex partner in the night club’s security office. Jack seemed properly impressed by the sight. Toshiko, for her part, felt a little sick.

“Oh, my God!” she whispered in shock. “He just...”

“Came and went,” Jack commented with a face that matched the really bad pun. Owen snickered, of course, but Owen was a sick bastard.

“That's the way I'd like to go,” he deadpanned. Toshiko glared at him in disgust.

“I'm sure we could arrange it,” she said icily. Owen seemed completely unrepentant, and Toshiko asked herself what in seven hells she actually saw in this man.

The club owner, at the very least, appeared upset… and so did Gwen. She’d gone into full police detective mode – despite the fact that she’d never performed a single investigation on her own – grilling the owner about the girl, her name, if she was a regular, whether any of the other staff would know more about her. The man just shook his head – he really didn’t know anything, which, with hundreds of people visiting the club each weekend, wasn’t all that surprising. But Gwen wouldn’t leave it, and finally Jack saw the necessity to intervene.

“Thanks for your help. We've got all we need,” he said, leading the club owner out of the room.

Gwen glared at him in exasperation. “What are you talking about? We haven't got a clue. We don't even know her name!”

Jack gave him a withering look but didn’t say anything, which was a sure sign that he’d got totally fed up. He turned and let the room, without looking if Gwen followed him or not. Which, of course, she did. She wasn’t so easy to get rid of.

Owen emerged from another back room and joined them. He and Toshiko nodded in unison as Jack issued standard instructions. Take a body from the cryo-chamber, close match to the dead guy’s appearance. Disfigure the face, dump it someplace remote, make it look like a suicide attempt. Business as usual. They’d done the same countless times and will do it again. It was a sad business, but someone had to do.

Heading out, Toshiko could hear Gwen’s whining. “You have a stash of bodies?”

She shook her head and hurried after Owen. Let’s Jack deal with Gwen. They had work to do.


	2. Part Two

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
 **EPISODE 02 – DAY ONE? NO, DAY ZERO! - Part 2**

When they finally returned to the Hub – ignoring Gwen’s self-important ranting all along the way with growing impatience – Ianto was there, wearing a fresh suit, perfectly groomed as always, serving them industrial strength coffee and almost-fresh-looking biscuits from the previous day.

“We found the same elements we’d recorded at the crash site in the alleyway behind the club,” Jack told him, accepting the mug and inhaling deeply. “God, Ianto, you’re a godsend.”

“I do my best, sir,” Ianto replied simply. “You were saying…”

“Traces were all over the club,” Jack continued, handing him his hand-held scanning and recording device, “but strongest in this area. Something definitely happened here.”

“Were there any CCTV records?” Ianto asked.

Jack nodded. “Yeah, we got the tape from the club’s security office. See for yourself.”

They all watched the record of some girl being attacked by purple gas in the alleyway in grim silence. There could be no doubt that it was the same one that had escaped from the pod earlier.

“It's my fault,” Gwen wailed, going all teary-eyed again. “If it weren't for me, he'd still be alive.”

“That'll get you nowhere, that sort of thinking,” Jack replied dismissively. “At least now we know a little more. The alien's taken on a host body.”

Gwen looked up at him in anguish, her bottom lip trembling. “We can't let her kill again!” she protested.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Owen muttered _sotto voce_. Jack gave him an unfriendly look.

“We won’t,” he said to Gwen reassuringly. “Look, why don’t you have a little sleep over there, on the couch, while we do some research. It was a hard case for us all.”

“B-but I… I want to help!” Gwen protested.

“When there’s something you can help with, we’ll wake you up,” Jack promised. “Now go and rest a little.”

Gwen didn’t seem to be willing, but she started to yawn, almost against her will, and her eyes fell shut. Jack caught her in the last moment and carried her to the sofa, covering her with an old blanket. Then he looked at Ianto suspiciously.

“Did you have a hand in this, Ianto? What did you give her?”

The young Welshman tilted his head to the side and smiled enigmatically. “Just a mild sedative, sir. She _did_ need the rest – and so do the others.”

Jack rubbed his temples, feeling the raging headache that had been building for an hour or so ebb away slowly. “I could kiss you for that.”

Ianto smiled. “And _that_ would be harassment, sir,” he replied. “Now, if you don’t mind, we should do some work while we have the peace and quiet for it.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
“I’ve taken the liberty of using satellite-tracking data to determine the inward trajectory of the meteorite, sir,” Ianto was saying some two and a half hours later, handing Jack a report. “I’ve also marked its route, as far as the computer was able to calculate it,” he pointed with the penlight at a long, curved line of small dots on the clearboard map of the universe.

Gwen, who’d just woken up, stared at Toshiko stupidly. “He did _what_?”

“He tried to find out where it came from,” Toshiko explained dryly, wishing Ianto had given their newbie a higher dosis of that sedative. A _much_ higher dosis.

Jack, probably thinking the same thing, gave them a mock-reproving look. “Hey!” he declared. “Sometimes technobabble is good for the soul.”

Ianto inclined his head. “Indeed, sir. Plus it adds to my air of mystery, which is always a good feeling. It confuses those who believe I can do nothing else but clean up their shit to no end.”

Toshiko suppressed a grin, although it wasn’t easy. Jack snickered openly, eyeing Ianto with almost proprietary pride. Owen shot Ianto a nasty look that promised retribution, but Ianto smiled back at him blandly. In the long run, Toshiko’s money would be on the teaboy. Ianto could be awfully sneaky.

Gwen missed the point completely, of course. It wasn’t the first time, and it didn’t surprise anyone by now.

“So, is this some sort of route planner?” she asked, looking at the clearboard. Toshiko found that extreme simplification as typical for Gwen as stupid, but answered nonetheless.

“Not far off, actually – just in the galactic scale.”

“Cool!” Gwen said, happy to finally understand at least _something_ of what her colleagues were doing. “Rhys, my boyfriend, is a transport manager for Luckley's the printers. He does this sort of stuff. On a slightly smaller scale, though.”

Toshiko stared at her in surprise. “You have a boyfriend?” She was sorely tempted to ask whether the man in question was blind or stupid or both, but she managed to stop herself just in time, remembering Owen and even Jack looking at her with a certain… _hunger_ in their eyes. Men and their bloody hormones. Although, considering that Jack had done it with a bug-eyed, tentacled alien, it did explain a lot.

“Yeah,” Gwen declared proudly. “Have you?”

Toshiko shook her head, wondering when had she fallen down the rabbit hole and landed in some stupid American high school soap opera instead of Torchwood. “Don’t have time with this job.” Although, she added in thought, if the job would lead her to run into that cute constable Andy again, she wouldn’t actually mind.

Gwen turned to Owen, with that indiscreet curiosity burning in her eyes that one could usually find on the face of lonely old women who spied after their neighbours with binoculars, stating that they were actually watching the birds.

“What about you?” she asked. “You seeing anyone?”

Owen glared at her with disgust. He might have the hots for her, for some reason Toshiko would never understand, but at the same time, he didn’t tolerate stupidity well. “You've gotta be joking,” he said. “Why should I do that? I can get all the grief I need here.”

Toshiko could see Jack listen quietly to the conversation as he worked. His deepening frown revealed that he didn’t particularly like the direction all this was taking, but he couldn’t find any good reason to interrupt the chat just yet.

“None of you have partners?” Gwen asked, completely dumbfounded. Her walnut-sized brain apparently hadn’t come to understand yet that Torchwood didn’t leave the _time_ for a life outside the Hub. Add the sensitivity of their work, and they were all securely hindered from having any kind of working relationship outside their little circle. It was just the nature of the beast. They’d all accepted it years ago, even if sometimes it was really hard.

“Just you, newbie,” Owen replied, no longer actually listening to her. He’d had enough.

Gwen, of course, couldn’t just leave it alone. She just _had_ to twist the knife one more time.

“I'm not being rude or anything, but...” seeing the looks Toshiko exchanged with Ianto, she back-pedalled a little. “Well, maybe I am, but... how do you switch off from all this stuff? What do you do to relax?”

At first, nobody answered her. Jack looked up at Owen, who looked at Toshiko, who looked at Ianto. Ianto stared at the coffee machine stonily. It was Owen who finally gave an answer.

“I torture people in happy relationships,” he said, grinning like a shark.

“Go back to sleep, Gwen,” Jack said tiredly. She tried to protest again, but he cut it short. “Go back to sleep, or I’ll have Ianto drive you home to play domestic bliss with your boyfriend. Let us lonely freaks work in peace. Please.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Around half past ten in the morning Ianto carried around another tray of cups for everyone. Toshiko, sitting at her workstation, running the image of the alien-obsessed girl through the database, smiled at him and nodded her thanks.

“Gas traces confirmed as Vorax and Suranium,” she then said, turning to Jack, who nodded and took a cup from Ianto’s tray.

“Great, my two favourite gases,” he said half-jokingly. “Can we do a check, and find out what we know about them?”

“I'm all over it,” Owen replied from his own workstation.

The talking woke up Gwen who’d been sleeping on the sofa for a couple of hours. She yawned, stretched and walked over to Toshiko’s station, to take a look at her monitor. Toshiko stiffened; she really hated it when people looked over her shoulder; and besides, Gwen could use a shower. They all could, to be honest, with the exception of the always impeccable Ianto, who always managed to be at his best-groomed self. It wasn’t _natural_ ; but at least he was pleasant to have around. Unlike Gwen at the moment, but somehow Toshiko managed _not_ to shove her away… barely.

“So,” Gwen asked intelligently. “What’s this doing?”

“What does it look like?” Toshiko replied, considerably less friendly than she would have, had she had the chance to sleep a few hours. “Face recognition, that’s what it is. I’ve taken an image of the girl from the CCTV. This software cross-checks her face with the UK population, so that we can get an ID.”

Gwen stared at her, with mouth hanging open. It wasn’t a particularly endearing sight, especially as she was doing that weird eye-bulging thing again. Sometimes Toshiko asked herself how long it would take her to have nightmares about Gwen’s ever-expanding eyeballs. _And_ about her gap-toothed smile. Seriously, it wasn’t _that_ expensive to have your basic dental work done!

“But… but you can't have every face in the UK on there!” Gwen protested. “That would be against civil liberties, data protection, all that stuff...”

“Call the police,” Ianto suggested dryly, glancing at Jack. Jack sipped from his coffee, nodding his thanks to Ianto and earning one of those reserved little smiles in exchange.

“Still doing that _you_ instead of _we_ thing, doesn’t she?” he said drolly. “Tosh, is that scan finished yet?”

“Yes,” Tosh frowned. “Oh. We’ve got a hundred and nineteen possible matches.”

“Great,” Owen commented sourly. “That’s a hundred and nineteen potential suspects. I thought this thing was supposed to give us a single match.”

“The CCTV was too low res,” Toshiko defended her software. “I've tried magnifying and augmenting but it just breaks up. Which means that the software can't function properly. We can do a lot, but we can’t solve _every_ problem!” 

“Well, at least it's narrowed the numbers down,” Ianto studied the results for a moment. “I could check through the rest if you want me. You know, the old fashioned way – with my eyes,” he smiled blandly and pointed at his eyes.

Everyone laughed, except Gwen, who apparently couldn’t understand why they were taking the investigation so lightly. This was a serious matter, after all – a man had already died, and who knew how many others were endangered at this very moment?

“What about the fingerprints I took off the alley wall?” she insisted.

Owen rolled his eyes. “Freckles, have you any idea how many people have pawed on that frigging wall just yesterday?”

“I’m running it through the police database,” Toshiko intervened smoothly before Gwen could have launched another inane rant about their unprofessional methods… as if she had been doing crime scene investigations all her life. After a moment, large square letters blinked up on the screen, announcing: NO MATCH FOUND. She sighed. “It was a long-shot, anyway.”

“But, of course, we _had_ to try it,” Owen commented. “Cos, of course, we were so bloody sure that those were _her_ fingerprints anyway.”

Gwen shot him an annoyed look. “Least I'm trying to do _something_ ,” she said.

“No, sweetcheeks,” Owen returned. “You’re trying _anything_.”

“All right, you two, that’s enough,” Jack finally saw the necessity to interfere; Toshiko wished he’d done it earlier. A lot earlier. “The CCTV must have picked up her arrival at the club. Tosh, can you reformat the image recognition software to trace her journey backwards via the street camera network?”

Toshiko shrugged. “Sure, but it’ll take a while to process. Every possible turn on every street corner means hundreds of thousands of probabilities.”

“Have a go,” Jack said. “At least we'll know where she started the evening.”

“We could cross-reference that with the addresses on the remaining face matches,” Gwen added. For a moment, there was stunned silence in the Hub. The fact that she’d actually suggested something _useful_ for a change took everyone’s breath away.

“Good one, newbie!” Owen admitted a bit reluctantly. “That's a bit more like it!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Toshiko felt bone weary when they finally got back to the Hub. While they had managed to track down and contain the girl who was playing unwilling host body to the alien – not thanks to Gwen-stupid-Cooper, oh-so-well-trained policewoman, who’d nearly let her get away, by the way – but Jack was _really_ pissed at Owen, who, once again, had taken alien tech out of the Hub without his express permission. And when Jack was pissed, the team suffered.

Toshiko guessed that Ianto would be pissed, too. Ianto took regulations seriously – it must have been that rigorous Torchwood One training surfacing every time – and his methods to punish transgressions could go _way_ beyond just serving the culprit decaf. Under that sleek surface lurked a truly devious and inventive mind; underestimating Ianto Jones would have been a grave error. Toshiko _almost_ felt sorry for Owen. Almost.

Fortunately for Owen, Ianto was nowhere to see when they got back – which, of course, didn’t mean he wasn’t watching them on one of the security monitors, which would explain how he seemed to know just about everything that was going on in the Hub – so Jack kept the inflatable cell for the time being. He ordered Gwen to put the girl into one of the cells and see what she can find out from her. Then he headed upstairs to help Toshiko start running the standard scans and analyses.

“But-but… aren't you going to help me?” Gwen whined, doing that eye-bulging, lip-trembling thing again. “I don't know what I'm doing.”

Jack stopped for a moment. “Usually better if you don't say that in front of the prisoner,” he commented dryly, before following the guffawing Owen.

They took their places at the respective workstations and started the usual data-gathering process.

“Owen, keep an eye on the CCTV,” Jack said while working in tandem with Toshiko. “I _hope_ Gwen doesn’t screw up this time, but just in case we need to intervene…”

“Oh, for the love of God!" Owen sighed loudly. “What did that bloody woman _learn_ in all those years with the police? Even beat cops ought to know how to arrest someone and do a standard investigation.”

“Yeah, but you forget about her _human quality_ ,” Toshiko reminded him with a fine, ironic smile. “It’s that big, compassionate heart that always gets her in trouble, isn’t it?”

“I’m not gonna watch her making a complete fool of herself,” Owen declared. “Let’s Teaboy do it – where is he anyway? I could use some coffee.”

“He’s manning the tourist office and hacking security cameras all over the city,” Jack replied. “A lot of this disaster happened in rather public places; clean-up’s gonna be a bitch. And I dread the thought how many people we’ll have to Retcon this time.”

Owen scowled a little – he didn’t like being assigned to what he saw as menial tasks – but after just having ignored the rules (again) he couldn’t afford to confront Jack openly. So he glanced up at the monitors from time to time, to see how their newbie was doing – and then stopped.

“Now _that_ gives the phrase ‘first encounter with an alien’ a whole new meaning,” he murmured, grinning in evil delight. “Oi, you lot,” he called out to jack and Toshiko. “Wanna treat? Our newbie seems to have discovered true enthusiasm for her work.”

Jack and Toshiko headed over to enjoy the show – well, _Jack_ appeared to enjoy it anyway.

“I’d never thought she had it in her,” he commented with a lewd grin. Toshiko shot him an irritated look. Men could really be pigs sometimes, even the best of them.

“I thought she had a boyfriend,” she said. If she thought about it, some women weren’t any better, either. If Gwen was living in such a happy relationship, what was she doing there, snogging murderous alien gas in a pretty girl’s body?

Jack rolled his eyes. “You people and your quaint little categories,” he said. For some reason, that comment made Toshiko really angry. She whirled around, glaring daggers at her snickering boss.

“You might find them funny, Jack,” she hissed, “but the bottom line is, it’s all about _respect_. Respect for the person we chose, whom we’ve promised that they’d be something _special_ for us. Where I’m sitting, _that_ doesn’t include shagging anything on two legs. Or, in your case, in eight tentacles. Although I’m not sure you – either of you – can truly understand what I mean.”

“Perhaps,” Owen snickered, “but at least we have _fun_. What do you have, Tosh?”

She gave him a disgusted look. “Self-respect,” she relied curtly. “Now, could we go down and get her out of that cell before she explodes?”

“Do we have to?” Owen asked, but Jack was already running off, with Toshiko hot on his heels.

“Yeah, yeah, Captain Harkness to the rescue,” Owen snickered, punching a few buttons on his keyboard. “I’ll just, uh… record a bit first.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Toshiko didn’t know afterwards whether she was relieved or secretly disappointed that female orgasms apparently didn’t do it for the alien. When they got down to the cells, Gwen was already out and cooing to her boyfriend on the phone. It made Toshiko want to throw up all over her unbuttoned blouse. Such a fucking hypocrite!

Owen seemed to think the same, because he couldn’t resist confronting Gwen upon her return to the Hub.

“Way to go, newbie!” he said, clapping like in the theatre. “That is what I call a methodical investigation. I can't wait to see you take down her particulars.”

Gwen rushed up the stairs and grabbed Owen by his shirt, pushing him back against the railing. She held him tightly enough to cut off his breath, at least partially.

“What are you doing?!” Owen protested. “Get off me! “

Instead getting off him Gwen got into his face, which really wasn’t such a pleasant experience. “That girl's body is being overrun by I don't know what,” she hissed. “And you think it's a joke?”

Owen rolled his eyes because really, Gwen had the least right to sit on the moral high horse right now. “All right! Jesus! I'm sorry.”

“We should be helping her,” Gwen kept lecturing. “She's not some lab rat.”

“No,” Owen said slowly, “she's a murderer. You were the one who wanted her caught. How come suddenly she's your best friend?”

Before Gwen could have answered – not that there would have been any right answer, considering the circumstances – Jack stepped between them.

“You know,” he said to Gwen conversationally, “strictly speaking, throttling the staff is my job. So – just back off, won’t you?”

Gwen stared at Owen with barely controlled fury. Then she released him and stormed away.

The tension was broken by the appearance of Ianto, who came in, smiling as always, carrying a box of takeout. 

“So ... who's for Chinese?” he asked pleasantly.

The others were taken aback for a moment, then started down the stairs. Dinner seemed a very good idea. Toshiko wondered what sixth sense could make Ianto appear in the exactly right moment, providing the exact thing they needed all the time. It was… well, almost freakish on some days.

Passing by her, Ianto stopped for a moment.

“I’ve spoken to Owen,” he murmured. “We’re gonna do this tonight. Perhaps if she keeps buggering him about his secrets long enough, Jack will finally Retcon and fire her.”

“But we’ll need Jack out of earshot for a few minutes for that!” Toshiko reminded him. Ianto smiled tolerantly.

“Really, Tosh, you still think I can’t slip him something without anyone noticing it? He _will_ be out of earshot long enough for us to plant the seed.”

Toshiko looked at him in unabashed admiration.

“You’re a sneaky bastard, Ianto Jones!” she declared.

“One of my many talents,” Ianto returned nonchalantly and continued down the stairs.


	3. Part Three

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
 **EPISODE 02 – DAY ONE? NO, DAY ZERO! - Part 3**

Whatever Ianto might have slipped their boss, it worked. In the middle of dinner, Jack suddenly left for the bathroom. As soon as he was out of hearing range, the others all turned their attention to Gwen.

“So what's he told you?” Owen asked.

Gwen blinked in confusion. “What about?”

“Himself!” Toshiko said. “Come on, the two of you are together all the time, talking, sharing… Surely he’s told you _something_?”

Gwen frowned. “You've been here longer than I have.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t talk to us the way he talks to you,” Toshiko said. "We were banking on you! You’re his new prize pupil, his confidante.” She bit the inside of her face to suppress a hysterical giggle, seeing that Gwen actually _believed_ it.

“You're a copper, trained to ask questions,” Owen added, and Toshiko almost fell off her seat, because they’d all seen just half an hour earlier _how_ good Gwen was at interrogating a suspect. Well, all but Ianto, that is, but Owen had recorded it for him.

Gwen stared at them open-mouthed. “You don't know anything?”

“Not who he is, not where he's from, Owen confirmed. “Nothing, except him being gay.”

“No, he's not!” Gwen protested immediately, disappointment clearly written in her face. If they’d had any doubts that she wanted to get into Jack’s pants – which they hadn’t – they’d have the confirmation now. “Really, do you think?”

“No,” Toshiko said. “ _Owen_ does. I don't.”

“And I don't care,” Ianto added, which, again, nearly killed Toshiko on the spot. Because while Jack blatantly flirted with Ianto, and Ianto still played hard to get, it was also glaringly obvious that sooner or later, Jack would get what – _whom_ – he wanted. He _always_ did, if he really set his mind on it, and he was very determined in his pursuit of their teaboy.

“I've watched him in action,” Toshiko said. “He'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough.” Hell, he’d even flirted with her when she’d got here. Had she been interested in casual sex, she could’ve had him. She just wasn’t that kind of woman. Not usually. And certainly not with her own boss, no matter how dashing the man might be.

She listened half-heartedly to the others’ playful banter about Jack’s true identity, finding Ianto’s CIA-theory especially hilarious. She was fairly sure that if anyone, Ianto knew more about their boss than he’d be willing to reveal. He’d worked for Torchwood One, after all, in a considerably higher position than his current one. They oughtta have had extensive files about all members in Headquarters.

The guessing was interrupted by Jack’s return, and in the sudden silence Gwen finally became aware of the fact that they’d been monitoring the girl’s cell all the time. _That_ pushed her self-righteous button again, of course. She got up and walked over to the screen.

“What are we doing having Chinese while a girl fights for her life?” she asked accusingly. Toshiko rolled her eyes. This was exactly the sort of false sympathy they couldn’t use in their line of work.

“Actually,” Jack replied calmly, “while we've been eating, the computers have been running a full bio-scan on Carys, profiling her blood, metabolism, organs, skin, the works. So we can see what effect the alien's having on her. They've also been taking samples of the air in the cell so we can analyze any changes in the environment around her. Now, is that enough? Do you want more? Cos, uh, it gets kinda boring.”

Gwen very obviously hadn’t understood half of his explanation. But such little things wouldn’t deter her from following the right path… or what she thought was the right path.

“You've been hidden down here too long,” she declared in a condescending manner that made Toshiko want to hit her. Hard. “Spending so much time with the alien stuff, you've lost what it means to be human.”

Yeah, because snogging an alien-possessed girl was so fucking human, wasn’t it? Toshiko exchanged a look with Owen who, too, seemed ready to do something hurtful to their newbie. Even Ianto’s features hardened for a moment, but was that really surprising? The young man had survived the Battle of Canary Wharf, and this stupid cow wanted to lecture _him_ about humane behaviour?

Jack was the only one to keep his nonchalant manner. “So remind us,” he said, pursing his lips to keep a grin from emerging. “Tell me what it means to be human in the 21st century.”

Needless to say that Gwen didn’t even realize that she was being mocked.

“All right,” she said determinedly and went on to work.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Toshiko was immensely grateful for Jack’s answer, as it sent Gwen into research mode and thus kept her out of their hair, so that they could work in peace for a while. Even though seeing her at Suzie’s old workstation still burned. Plus, she couldn’t understand why Gwen needed to print out every piece of insignificant crap she’d dug up while they had a perfectly good virtual whiteboard in the size of an entire _wall_ to project, edit and order information on it.

Of course, that would have required slightly better technical skills than Gwen could ever _hope_ to possess, and should she live a hundred years. _And_ the ability to think on a slightly bigger scale. Or the ability to _think_ , period. Because really, the idea of bringing in the girl’s father was beyond stupid. And that even _before_ they would realize the threat those ultra-powerful alien pheromones meant for any man who came across them.

A threat Owen got to experience first-hand. Toshiko _really_ tried very hard to feel sorry for him, seeing him naked and handcuffed in Carys’ empty cell. She failed. But Gwen making fun of him after having nearly snogged Carys to death herself was more than a bit hypocritical.

Every bit as hypocritical as Gwen’s lecturing Jack about a severed hand being more important to him than Carys’s life. Granted, Toshiko didn’t know whose hand it was (she wanted to ask Ianto many times, as Ianto always knew such things, no matter how bizarre they were, but somehow forgot about it every time), yet she’d figured out on her own that it somehow had to be connected to Jack’s mysterious past. He’d been truly devastated when the container had been broken, and only a stupid, self-righteous bitch like Gwen couldn’t see that it was a personal matter for him. So yes, a personal loss meant more to him than a dangerous alien on the loose – an alien who was on the loose thanks to Gwen’s own stupidity in the first place.

Owen’s experiment with the rat didn’t serve to calm tempers down, either, but that wasn’t really the doctor’s fault. They needed to find the girl, but Gwen refused to contact her former colleagues at the police, saying she couldn’t tell them to put out an APB for a woman possessed by gas knobbing men to death. Jack was annoyed by her lack of cooperation, but it gave Toshiko an idea.

“Do we know the full name of Gwen’s former partner at the police?” he asked Ianto through her headset, so that the others, who weren’t wearing theirs, wouldn’t hear.

“Just a moment,” Ianto apparently checked something on his own computer. “PC Andrew Davidson. Why?”

“Is there a call number?”

“Yep. You wanna contact him?” Ianto asked.

“Not officially,” Toshiko replied, “but we might have to, eventually. The police could be able to get to any crime scene a great deal faster.”

“Then we should perhaps contact someone higher up the ranks,” Ianto suggested.

“Nah,” Toshiko said. “We can’t Retcon the whole police department. Besides, this Andy character knows Gwen better than we do. He’ll understand that she means disaster waiting to happen. Just have him stand by, in case we’d need him.”

“Will do,” Ianto replied simply and broke the connection.

Toshiko turned her attention back to the rest of her team and found Gwen still trying to play profiler. It was utterly ridiculous, as she didn’t seem to have a clue what she was doing, aside from the near-religious zeal to ‘save’ Carys. All the actual answers came from the others, really.

“We have to think like her,” Gwen lectured, stating the glaringly obvious. “Put ourselves in her place. It's the only way to find her.”

“Except we don't know what her controlling impulse is by now – Carys or the alien inside,” Jack pointed out, rubbing his temples. “The last thing I saw was a fight for control.”

“The overriding factor for the parasite is to have sex,” Toshiko said. “It's a survival instinct – that's bound to be the strongest drive.”

“All right,” Gwen interrupted, not liking that someone else found an answer she’d been unable to find, “so you're Carys. You're desperate for sex cos that's what the thing inside you needs, but you know it will kill. Where would you go?”

Owen gave her a really dirty look. “I'd come round and shag _you_.” The others turned around and stared at him, apparently wondering whether he’d lost his mind, because really, nobody could be _that_ desperate to get laid. He frowned. “What?! It's a joke! Can't I have a joke with my team-mates?”

Toshiko shook her head in disgust. “Right now? No.”

“So what are we talking about?” Jack asked. “Brothels? Lap dance clubs? Anywhere there's eager men?”

Toshiko thought for a moment, then remembered the last call recorded on Carys’s mobile phone and in made _clink_. “I know what _I'd_ do,” she said slowly, looking at Owen with a certain evil glee.

Jack seemed to understand what she meant. “Do you have the address?” he asked. Toshiko nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
When they burst into the ex-boyfriend’s flat, all they found was a pile of dust on the bed. Of Carys there was no sign. They returned to the SUV in a really pissed mood. Jack took the driver’s seat again.

“So what's our next move?” he asked.

Owen snickered. “Stop the entire city of Cardiff from shagging?”

Unlike the others, Gwen didn’t find that such a stupid idea. “Hmmm. Put bromide in the water supply?”

Jack shook his head. “Nah, too hit and miss.”

“Yeah,” Owen snickered again. “Besides, the water company got pissed off last time we did that. It took Teaboy days of grovelling till he could slip them the necessary amount of Retcon.”

Gwen’s thought returned to the girl. “It could have used any body in Cardiff. Why her?”

“I just assumed it was random,” Toshiko said thoughtfully. “And it had to be a woman anyway, if that thing needs male orgasm to feed off of.”

“It's mining Carys's life to get what it needs,” Jack added. “We need to find her, because if that thing moves on, we might never get a chance to contain it.”

“So, what else do we know about her?” Owen asked.

Jack glanced at Gwen over his shoulder. “Anything you can think of?” he asked a little doubtfully. Toshiko suppressed a grin and looked at Gwen, too. 

“What are you all looking at me for?” Gwen got defensive quite quickly, which was not surprising – she didn’t have a clue about proper procedure, after all.

“You did all the profiling, didn’t you?” Owen asked, his sarcastic tone leaving no doubt about what he really thought of her so-called profiling.

“I don't know,” Gwen snapped. “I don’t know, okay? Sorry.” She turned around to look out the window.

“She's _really_ great under pressure,” Owen muttered. “Are you sure your octopus was _that_ good in the sack?”

Jack gave him a quelling look. “Not now, Owen. There's gotta be something. What did you say Carys's job was?”

Gwen shrugged. “She's just a temp. Receptionist somehow.”

“Where's she working at the moment?” Jack asked. Gwen just shrugged again.

“I can pull her employment files up,” Toshiko intervened before their boss could have done something really drastic – like tossing Gwen out of the SUV. She put it in the computer and after a few seconds, she came up with an answer. “Conway Clinic.”

Owen stared at her in shock, which was a rare thing with him; he was a cynic. “You're joking, Tosh!”

“What's the problem?” Jack asked.

“It's a bloody fertility clinic,” Owen explained. “Sperm donors. An unlimited supply of orgasmic energy without all the build-up.”

“Perfect hit,” Jack agreed and accelerated beyond speed limits.

Toshiko texted Ianto, asking him to send the police to the clinic, hoping they could either detain Carys or evacuate the potential victims in time. Only a minute later she got from Ianto the reassurance that the police were on their way. It still meant to endanger the officers, of course, but as they couldn’t hope to arrive on time, something had to be done.

In the racing SUV Owen reached over and handed Gwen a gun. She looked at it, then took it, holding it so awkwardly that Toshiko cringed in fear she might shoot someone by accident. “What's this for?”

Toshiko could see in the mirror Jack rolling his eyes. “Need a diagram?”

“I've never used a gun,” Gwen stared at the weapon with widening eyes. Jack seemed ready to explode out of sheer frustration.

“I thought you were in the police!”

“I was on the beat,” Gwen returned defensively. Jack shook his head.

“Carry it,” he said. You don't need to use it. But it can’t hurt to at least look like you were a professional.”

Owen snapped the cartridge into a second gun and handed it back to Toshiko. She took it with practiced ease. “You really ought to teach her how to shoot, Jack,” she said. “Right now, she’s a liability. She could get us all killed.” She deliberately spoke in a very low voice, one that Jack could understand due to much practice. Gwen, of course, didn’t even hear her remark – besides, her thoughts were elsewhere already.

“What do we do if we find her?” she asked, meaning Carys. “How are we going to get it out of her?”

Jack glanced at Toshiko. “Suggestions, Tosh? Found any weaknesses?”

“Judging by the test results, the gas needed a host because prolonged exposure to our atmosphere is poisonous to it,” Toshiko replied. “But our bodies are the perfect environment.”

“So, if we isolate it from Carys's body...” Jack trailed off, hoping that Gwen would get the idea. She didn’t.

“It won't survive for long,” Owen supplied. Jack nodded, a little calmer for the first time in hours.

“Sounds like we have ourselves a plan,” he declared.

“Force it to die,” Gwen added, finally getting it. Owen nodded.

“Just like it did those poor blokes, yeah,” there was definitely something like male solidarity in his tone.

“But what about Carys?” Gwen insisted, returning to her main concern like a dog to a rubber bone.

Owen looked at her darkly. “Better start praying we get to her in time.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
When they got to the clinic, the police car was already standing at the entrance. Andy and his partner were escorting several men out of the building, trying to get them to safety. Andy pointedly ignored Gwen, but apparently recognized Toshiko (perhaps given a clue by Ianto) and flashed her a wide smile.

“Miss Sato? We got your message. Your colleague said something about a psychotic chick attacking men…?”

Toshiko nodded. “Have you found her?”

Andy shook his head. “Nah, we thought it was more urgent to get these blokes out of harm’s way. I’ve called the rescue service, though; the receptionist lady has been knocked out cold.”

“Good,” Jack said in approval, having caught the gist of it. “Thanks for your help. If you can get these men safely away from here, we’ll take over the rest.”

“Sure thing,” Andy replied, smiling at Toshiko, then he turned back to his protégées. “This way, please! And don’t stop till you’re at least ten blocks away. Twenty would be better, actually.

The Torchwood team entered the clinic, rushing from room to room with their guns drawn. In Room #1 they found a black pile of dust on the floor. Toshiko checked Room #2 and found a stack of magazines and another pile of black dust. Looking into Room #3, she again found a pile of dust on the sofa. Gwen pushed the next room door open and found a pile of black dust on the exam table. She checked the next room and found another pile of dust on the red chair.

“Oh, God, how many more?” she moaned. Toshiko couldn’t even look at her. So many deaths, all because of her incredible stupidity, and she wouldn’t at least shut up!

“In here!” they heard Owen’s voice from downstairs. Toshiko turned around and rushed past Gwen, with Jack in trail, to get to Owen. 

They found Owen in one of the side rooms, his gun pointed at Carys, to keep her away from a wide-eyed Andy who was just about to usher a half-naked man out of the room. Jack and Toshiko aimed at the girl too, who was babbling inane things about sex, beauty and fear… sounding strangely like Gwen during one of her rants, in fact.

Then she was hit by a wave of pain and fell to the floor. Gwen threw her gun away, nearly hitting Owen in the process, and knelt down next to her.

“The strain on her body's too much,” Owen said grimly, kicking the gun out of their reach, just in case. “Any second now, she's rat jam.”

Gwen grabbed Carys’ head with both hands, as if trying to see the alien through her clouded eyes, and shook her.

“Use me,” she screamed. “Leave Carys. Take my body as host. And just let her live.”

Jack grabbed her arm. “Gwen, you’re not making any sense!” 

Gwen looked up at him with those big, wet, unnatural eyes again. “I'm stronger than she is,” she whined. “I'll last longer. You might be able to save me, I don't know.”

Jack stood up. “All right. Let’s give it a try.”

“Jack! You can't let her!” Toshiko protested. God knew, Gwen’s appetite for men was ravenous enough, even without sex-obsessed alien gas possessing her body. No man would be safe in the whole city…

Jack looked at her sternly. “Like she said... She's responsible for this,” he said and stepped back.

Gwen rose, too, making a heroic stance that would have put the heroine of any black-and-white B-movie from the 1950s to shame. “Come on, then,” she said, stepping back. “Do it. Leave her.”

Toshiko wanted to protest again, but the flash of a small, shell-shaped object in Jack’s hand stopped her. She understood the plan now, and slowly backed off.

Suddenly, Carys’ eyes opened, and she gasped loudly. The gaseous alien came out of her mouth and hovered in the air like a living, throbbing purple cloud. Then it moved on, heading toward Gwen. Gwen shut her eyes and braced herself. Waiting for the right moment till then, Jack finally tossed the inflatable cell on the carpet. The cell opened… unfortunately, Gwen chose exactly this moment to make a brave step forward, and got trapped in the cell with that roaring… thing, surrounded from all sides completely.

She opened her eyes... and widened them, as she realized her situation was hopeless. And widened them… and widened them… The gaseous creature swirled around in the inflatable cell angrily.

“Shit!” Owen swore. “What are we gonna do _now_?”

Jack shook his head. “I seriously don’t know. Why couldn’t she just stay where she was? The plan was idiot proof, it would have worked like a charm!”

“Because she’s Gwen-bloody-Cooper who _always_ has to do things her way, that’s why!” Owen returned snidely. “How long can they survive in there?”

“Dunno,” Toshiko sighed. “That thing has just eaten half a dozen blokes; I don’t think Gwen really has a chance. We need to take her out of there, Jack!”

“No, we don’t,” Jack replied grimly. “At least seven people have died already, and it was her damn fault. I won’t set that thing free, so that it can keep killing people, just to save _her_.”

“Jack, you can’t let her die!” Toshiko protested.

“I can,” Jack said, his face stone hard, “and I will. That’s why I’m the boss. Someone has to make the hard decisions. Better me than any of you. I’m used to it.”

“I’m a bit worried how long that battery will last for, myself,” Owen commented.

“I don’t think you’ll need to worry about that,” Toshiko said quietly. “Look…”

Inside the cell, the gaseous creature was swirling around, looking for a way into Gwen’s body, who was covering her mouth and nose as well as she could. It wasn’t nearly enough, though. More and more purple gas was leaking in through her fingers, until the whole thing had got inside her. Jack checked something on his wrist-strap.

“Oxygen levels are dropping quickly,” he said.

“Jack!” Toshiko all but begged. “Please, you can’t let her suffocate in there! I know she’s a disaster, but she’s still one of us!”

“You still don’t understand, Toshiko, do you?” Jack said harshly. “I don’t have any other choice! The only way to stop that thing is to let her die; it can’t survive in a dead body, and will die with her. I’m sorry, but it’s her or the entire male population of Cardiff… and beyond. We have to choose – _I have to choose_ – the lesser evil."

Toshiko still wanted to argue, but suddenly the inside of the cell was illuminated by a bright purple light. In a spectacular show of sparks, Gwen burst into dust, falling into a small pile on the floor. The cell collapsed. Jack reached down and picked up some of the dust in his hand.

“You travel halfway across the universe for the greatest sex,” he mused. “You still end up dying alone.” He shook his head as he dropped the dust again.

“Are they both dead?” Toshiko asked quietly. Jack nodded.

“Yeah. Call Ianto and ask for standard clean-up procedures,” he then looked into the shocked eyes of Andy. “Constable, we might need your help with the clean-up this time.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
Two weeks later Gwen Cooper was properly buried – only Torchwood knew that the coffin was empty. Andy and Toshiko supported a grieving Rhys and stayed with him overnight; then they helped him to move into another flat where he could heal and eventually begin a new life.

The people from the clinic were all Retconned and given false memories about a psychotic woman with a knife trying to kill them. They were all happy to have survived, but Conway Clinic stayed out of business for quite some time afterwards. Even the carefully edited publicity proved rather disastrous for them.

Carys had been moved to the sanitarium on Flat Holm; her mind just couldn’t take the shock and broke under the pressure – under such circumstances Retcon wasn’t an option, but at least she would be cared for as long as she lived. 

Her father had been told that the drugs she’d been taking had turned her mad. It was the kindest thing they could have told the poor man. He took it hard enough as it was, but what else could they have done for him?

“So, that’s how Torchwood works, is it?” Andy asked a little doubtfully, having participated his very first team meeting in the Hub.

“Yep,” Toshiko answered, patting him on the arm. “You’ll get used to it.”

~The End – for now~


End file.
